Marketing

This ad was in Running Times.

I have no words, but I want to write a top ten list of everything wrong with this ad.

Things My Son Wrote: NRR

End of the school year means an avalanche of papers come home with the child.

It is at times like these when I wished that John Lithgow or Christopher Walken were somehow close, personal family friends who could do a recording of my son's journal in audiobook form.

Reader, I wish that you could read the whole thing from cover to cover. My son's development of his persona is clearly on display in these pages.

Here is a sampling of some of the jewels. I edited the spelling because it was easier to spell it correctly than to accurately type the misspellings.

My big sister thinks school is a joke but I don't think that because sometimes school is fun and I am just lucky because the first recess we bug the kindergarteners.

Hello hello finally well hi...I am dead I am just kidding.

I am a frace (?) caterpillar in the grass awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just kidding.

Turkey time in November. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chop the turkey!!

Dorky Dora you pick your boogers when you work so you must drink 55 sodas and do not stop until you are done! That is because I am EVIL, EVIL, EVIL! But can I have a donut. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Sick (followed the drawing of a peace sign). Today I saw writing on a pole (followed by a drawing of the pole with writing on it) and it said bad words. Me, Nathan, and Thomas saw the bad words on the pole when we were playing hide and seek.

Yaaaaaaaaaa I rock!

Sick huh huh don't you think.

What is |x|=? it equals !. Ya. I know times.

It is February. (That constituted the entire entry.)

Holy cheese puffs!

It was so funny I laughed to death.

Today I saw a puddle half of a classroom. I wish I was in a pool right now. Holy tortilla rolls! I stink!

I hate school!!! I love Legos!!! There is a big difference you know. Legos are fun and school is boring.

Well Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules is in theaters now and I'm stuck in school with a bunch of crazy kids. (Followed by drawing of crazy kids.)

I am a big fat chatterbox.

Today is April Fool's Day. I am the best faker on the block. I am making fake blood. It is so funny anyways I can fake cry, fake barf, and a lot more. I pranked someone today.

I love kickball.

In for an inch, in for a mile: Not Running Related (Honestly)

I feel as if I am fighting a battle with my son. And the battle is trying to get him to NOT hate school. This is a heart-breaking battle to have to wage. Sometimes I shudder to think of all the times that my son is told no throughout the school day. He wanted to try out for the talent show. He was told that his talent was inappropriate (Musical Arm Farting!). I disagree with both that assessment and the fact that my son was told this information in the first place. His talent is completely age appropriate. He isn’t a Wall Street Broker; he is a seven year old boy.

Today he threw the cosmic balance out of whack for wearing colored hair gel to school.

Before my son started his instructional day, he was told to go to the office by another teacher for the offensive hair. I then received a phone call in the middle of my first period class from the school. My first thought is that my son broke a limb--why else interrupt my instruction of my students. But then I hear that my son had a "misunderstanding" about crazy hair day.

Bull.

There was no misunderstanding other than the school's misunderstanding about what is actually something to worry about and what is NOT actually something to worry about.

Then he is on the phone with me crying. I try to console him. I asked the secretary if it wasn't allowed. She tells me it isn't. She says, "It's in the handbook." (A handbook that I've since discovered isn't anywhere online.)

Who checks the damned handbook? I check my common sense. Huge mistake when a school doesn't operate under any.

Let me break this down.

1. Does a little color in a student’s hair really “materially and substantially” disrupt the educational process? I can understand that green hair may have been quite scandalous back in the 1950s, but in 2011 it seems like a stretch to argue that green hair gel “materially and substantially” disrupts the educational process OR that it is somehow a danger to others. Or a health concern. I would argue that my son's "altered" hair is no more distracting than a new Justin Bieber shirt or a new pair of shoes.

And if a teacher cannot get kids on track with learning with a little colored hair gel in the classroom, there are much larger issues to address.

2. I work in a school where if I sent a kid out of class because of this, I would be asked some serious questions by my administration. I would have to justify the child being out of the class. Being pulled out of the class is akin to a suspension since the child is missing out on instructional time. My concern is that my son was taken out of class to deal with this when he should have been learning.

3. And if "no artificial hair coloring is allowed" most of the faculty wouldn't be blonde!

Mad props to the principal for calling me and hearing my perspective and the idiocy of their hair code when it is 2011. At the Mother's Day activity, I'm pretty sure that the non-tattooed mothers were the minority. Times they have a-changed. Green hair isn't scandalous.

But it only got worse when I learned from my husband that other children were allowed to have temporarily dyed hair today. My son wasn't on the chosen list. Dearest readers, you will LOVE the reason why.

The Chosen were those who were performing at the Talent Show.

Misc: Fuel, Women Carrying Hoes, and Surprising and Patriotic Poms Poms

Fuel
My husband enjoys cooking and baking; I enjoy running.

He's lucky I run enough to enjoy his creations.

Case in point: Yesterday's Mother's Day Brunch Item To Die For Eggs Benedict.



I had two. I can't even begin to guesstimate how many miles are in Eggs Benedict. That sentence reveals quite a bit about how I see food. I see miles in the food. I wish that Nutrition Facts featured this information. I know that caloric content is featured, but to most people a calorie is an abstract concept. If people knew that the frosty treat that they are enjoying from Sonic was worth ten miles, I think they might think twice about grabbing that spoon. That's much more concrete.

Women Carrying Hoes
It was one of those days at work; I am tempted to qualify it through metaphor, but I've decided to leave work at work and out of this blog.

I was looking forward to a quick little run tonight. First run of SF half training! I wanted time to process all the absurdities of the day. About two and half miles into my run, I see the absurd. A woman walking down a major thoroughfare carrying a garden hoe and a black garbage bag of who knows what.

I've never seen a woman walking carrying a garden hoe. It just seemed so out of place! It delighted me!

Surprising and Patriotic Pom Poms
This is what greeted me when I arrived home from my run. It was just louder and with more movement!